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at eight…thirty i stood up and went to the window； where we always say good…bye。 i was still trembling； i was still anne number two。 he came over to me； and i threw my arms around his neck and kissed him on his left cheek。 i was about to kiss the other cheek when my mouth met his； and we pressed our lips together。 in a daze； we embraced； over and over again； never to stop； oh！
peter needs tenderness。 for the first time in his life hes discovered a girl； for the
first time hes seen that even the biggest pests also have an inner self and a heart； and are transformed as soon as theyre alone with you。 for the first time in his life hes given himself and his friendship to another person。 hes never had a friend before； boy or girl。 now weve found each other。 i； for that matter； didnt know him either； had never had someone i could confide in； and its led to this 。 。 。
the same question keeps nagging me： 〃is it right？〃 is it right for me to yield so soon； for me to be so passionate； to be filled with as much passion and desire as peter？
can i； a girl； allow myself to go that far？
theres only one possible answer： 〃im longing so much。 。 。 and have for such a long time。 im so lonely and now ive found fort！”
in the mornings we act normally； in the afternoons too； except now and then。 but in the evenings the suppressed longing of the entire day； the happiness and the bliss of all the times before e rushing to the surface； and all we can think about is each other。 every night； after our last kiss； i feel like running away and never looking him in the eyes again。 away； far away into the darkness and alone！
and what awaits me at the bottom of those fourteen stairs？ bright lights； questions and laughter。 i have to act normally and hope they dont notice anything。
my heart is still too tender to be able to recover so quickly from a shock like the one i had last night。 the gentle anne makes infrequent appearances； and shes not about to let herself be shoved out the door so soon after shes arrived。 peters reached a part of me that no one has ever reached before； except in my dream！ hes taken hold of me and turned me inside out。 doesnt everyone need a little quiet time to put themselves to rights again？ oh； peter； what have you done to me？ what do you want from me？
where will this lead？ oh； now i understand bep。 now； now that im going through it myself； i understand her doubts； if i were older and he wanted to marry me； what would my answer be？ anne； be honest！ you wouldnt be able to marry him。 but its so hard to let go。 peter still has too little character； too little willpower； too little courage and strength。 hes still a child； emotionally no older than i am； all he wants is happiness and peace of mind。 am i really only fourteen？ am i really just a silly schoolgirl？ am i really so inexperienced in everything？ i have more experience than most； ive experienced something almost no one my age ever has。
im afraid of myself； afraid my longing is making me yield too soon。 how can it ever go right with other boys later on？ oh； its so hard； the eternal struggle between heart
and mind。 theres a time and a place for both； but how can i be sure that ive chosen the right time？
yours； anne
m。 frank
xs
MAY； 1944
tuesday； may 2； 1944
dearest kitty；
saturday night i asked peter whether he thinks i should tell father about us。 after wed discussed it； he said he thought i should。 i was glad； it shows hes sensible； and sensitive。 as soon as i came downstairs； i went with father to get some water。 while we were on the stairs； i said； 〃father； im sure youve gathered that when peter and i are together； we dont exactly sit at opposite ends of the room。 do you think thats wrong？”
father paused before answering： 〃no； i dont think its wrong。 but anne； when youre living so close together； as we do； you have to be careful。〃 he said some other words to that effect； and then we went upstairs。
sunday morning he called me to him and said； 〃anne； ive been thinking about what you said。〃 （oh； oh； i knew what was ing！） 〃here in the annex its not such a good idea。 i thought you were just friends。 is peter in love with you？”
〃of course not；〃 i answered。
〃well； you know i understand both of you。 but you must be the one to show restraint；
dont go upstairs so often； dont encourage him more than you can help。 in matters like these； its always the man who takes the active role； and its up to the woman to set the limits。 outside； where youre free； things are quite different。 you see other boys and girls； you can go outdoors； take part in sports and all kinds of activities。 but here； if youre together too much and want to get away； you cant。 you see each other every hour of the day…all the time； in fact。 be careful； anne； and dont take it too seriously！
〃i dont； father； but peters a decent boy； a nice boy。”
〃yes； but he doesnt have much strength of character。 he can easily be influenced to do good； but also to do bad。 i hope for his sake that he stays good； because hes basically a good person。〃
we talked some more and agreed that father would speak to him too。
sunday afternoon when we were in the front attic； peter asked； 〃have you talked to your father yet； anne？”
〃yes；〃 i replied； 〃ill tell you all about it。 he doesnt think its wrong； but he says that here； where were in such close quarters； it could lead to conflicts。”
〃weve already agreed not to quarrel； and i plan to keep my promise。”
〃me too； peter。 but father didnt think we were serious； he thought we were just friends。 do you think we still can be？”
〃yes； i do。 how about you？”
〃me too。 i also told father that i trust you。 i do trust you； peter； just as much as i do father。 and i think youre worthy of my trust。 you are； arent you？”
〃i hope so。〃 （he was very shy； and blushing。）
〃i believe in you； peter；〃 i continued。 〃i believe you have a good character and that youll get ahead in this world。”
after that we talked about other things。 later i said； 〃if we ever get out of here； i know you wont give me another thought。”
he got all fired up。 〃thats not true； anne。 oh no； i wont let you even think that about me！�